‘Voyager’: largest cruise ship
afloat
As long as three football fields, this behemoth is a small city
By Robin Dalmas
Oct. 7 — Now that you’ve
purchased your 9,200-pound sport utility vehicle, perhaps you need a snappy new cruise
ship to go with your lifestyle. On Nov. 21, Royal Caribbean will launch Voyager of the
Seas, the largest cruise ship on Earth. It’s as long as three football fields,
contains a wedding chapel, an ice-skating rink, a rock-climbing wall and a nine-hole golf
course. In December, comedian Rita Rudner will perform. Can’t you just hear Rudner’s
shtick now?
“I BROUGHT my children on board so we could have some quality time
together. I haven’t seen them for five days!”
“Yesterday, the ship visited Cozumel. The brochure said we could go
horseback riding or snorkeling in a lagoon with 60 species of fish. Unfortunately, I
wandered the Royal Promenade for 48 hours and could never find the exit.”
“The chef tells me this ship goes through 1,500 pounds of tenderloin every
week. Why, that’s nothing. I went through 40,000 pounds of tenderloin before I met
Mr. Right!”
But seriously, folks.
Cruise ships are just getting bigger and bigger. In 1998, Princess Cruises
introduced the Grand Princess, which was then ballyhooed as the largest cruise ship on the
planet. In November, Royal Caribbean International will have the last laugh. Voyager of
the Seas weighs 142,000 tons — making it 33,000 tons bigger.
This small floating city will sail on seven-night trips from Miami, calling at
Labadee, Hispaniola; Ocho Rios, Jamaica, and Cozumel, Mexico. Voyager of the Seas will be
able to accommodate 3,838 guests and 1,176 crew. The combined total of 5,014 people is
larger than the population of some entire Texas counties.
LIVING THE VIDA GRANDE
If you can live out your entire life in a small Texas county, wouldn’t it
be possible to live out your entire life on a boat that’s as long as a 17-car freight
train?
Let’s imagine a stowaway from Hispaniola silently slipped on board during a
port of call. She could probably live a happy, productive life aboard the 1,021-foot ship
and want for nothing.
I can see it now. The child’s tender
years would be spent having hamburgers at Johnny Rockets, playing miniature golf, skating
on the ice rink and taking an occasional trip to the library.
When the teen-age years approach, she is hanging with the boys at Optix Teen
Center, going for dates at Sprinkles Ice Cream Parlor and dancing the night away at The
Vault Disco. As she gets older, she would strike up a shipboard romance while lying oiled
and sizzling at the pool, get married at the Skylight Wedding Chapel, then spend the
honeymoon establishing “trust issues” with hubby at the rock-climbing wall. She
would then start her own business, which she would run from the largest business center at
sea, complete with tele-video conferencing, slide projectors, VCRs and flip charts.
After eating eight meals a day, she would be concerned about her flabby
waistline and head to the spa to walk on a treadmill with ocean view. She would also take
up golf on the nine-hole course.
At 42, she would have a midlife crisis and briefly take on a new job as juggler
in the 24-hour street fair in the four-story Royal Promenade.
As the golden years approach, she would
throw a retirement party in one of the five public dining rooms (where they go through
3,000 pieces of lobster and 5,000 bottles of wine every week).
As the sun is painting a rosy glow over the Caribbean sea, she would head to the
1,350-seat La Scala Theater, where she would watch a now silver-haired Rita Rudner
reminisce about the good old days.
“Remember when Voyager of the Seas used to be the largest cruise ship on
the planet? I do. It’s the last time I saw my children …”
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